cosmos

Just discovered Cosmos on the Science channel. I had forgotten just how much I loved that book by Carl Sagan, back when I had read it in high school. It is difficult to convey how watching this show makes me feel. It is like a whole hidden-away section of my heart and mind comes back to life, awakening emotions and ideas I had all but forgotten. There was a time in my life when the entire universe seemed so amazing, so soul-chilling, so horrible and amazing. Life is truly a divine, magnificent, glorious gift. It is only my life, and my memories - it is impossible to convey why now-forgotten things like astronomy, science fiction, mathematics, color-cycling fractals and various states of altered consciousness moved and touched me as they did.

But I do not want to remember that. I want to be like I was 2 hours ago, happy with the direction my life was going, happy with the narrow path of my life. I don't want to be the fumbling, unknowing person I was. At his moment, I really don't know how I feel, and it's not like I have to decide. However, looking into myself and writing this has numbed my feelings of reawakened wonder.

However, I am disappointed in my fellow human beings as well. On the topic of science itself, people are trying to make it into anathema, synonymous with some evil villain in a fairy tale story with which they have been catechized their entire lives. There are so many beautiful things to learn, to know about our universe and about ourselves, yet people self-choose to wear blinders over their eyes, happy with being ignorant, happy with the pain in this world we could alleviate, if only we stopped bludgeoning each other and our children with self-destructive and self-fulfilling indoctrination and hatred for each other and for ourselves. If only we would focus on amazing and beautiful and honorable ideas and endeavours..not simply content with how the world is, at this exact moment...doing the same thing over and over and over, and never moving on to and grasping the glorious world we deserve as human beings...this world, which is right here dangling before us and attainable, before we die.

I guess I don't know what I'm trying to say, but I felt moved to write that..and this is my blog so if you don't like it I can always delete it if you send me a polite note explaining why you feel it should be deleted :) I guess Carl Sagan just has a way to make such awesome concepts seem so simple and so understandable to me, so real and relevant to my puny insignificant existence in this illusion of this "world" I am living in :)